It was a lovely day. We played in the snow. Ethan had on appropriate boots. We watched the Disney movie Cars on DVD and ate gummy penguins that gush when you bite them.
Ethan is now in bed and the house is quiet and still.
I just poured a glass of red wine, put on slippers, propped my feet up, and started the process of updated my living will - no feeding tubes! - then I logged into Amazon and ordered these titles, one-click, next-day delivery:
Raising An Emotionally Healthy Child When A Parent is Sick
Ethan is now in bed and the house is quiet and still.
I just poured a glass of red wine, put on slippers, propped my feet up, and started the process of updated my living will - no feeding tubes! - then I logged into Amazon and ordered these titles, one-click, next-day delivery:
Raising An Emotionally Healthy Child When A Parent is Sick
How To Help Children Though A Parent's Serious Illness
Living Beyond Limits: New Hope and Help for Facing Life-Threatening Illness
Tomorrow, I will take my son sledding on the hill behind our house.
But right now, I am crying.
Again.
Tomorrow, I will take my son sledding on the hill behind our house.
But right now, I am crying.
Again.
15 comments:
I'm struggling with what to say, but here are some thoughts:
You know what's important to E? Being present w/ him- not worrying about the what ifs. Do not spend time wondering about the future. Enjoy the now! Don't read books about how to tell him things - it makes you waste energy & makes you distract him from being a kid.
So much I want to say...
Darlin', all ANY of us can do is make the very best of the days we have. That being said, having those days potentially cut short must be a heavy weight.
Enjoy sledding with your little man tomorrow!
I would totally buy you a coffee and give you a hug if we knew each other in real life.
Enjoy the snow! :)
*hug*
I have a friend who was diagnosed with something very bad 3 years ago. Only 5% survive for two years. She is still with Even if it only 5%, try to believe that you are that person. Someone has to be. Why not you?
I am so sorry you are going through this. Have a great time sledding today!
Virtual hug being sent your way.
words escape me because there's nothing "perfect" to say... hang in there, be strong, and keep being the amazing momma that you're being...
My heart weeps along with you as I read your words. It reminds me of the Moe Bandy song "Till I'm Too Old to Die Young". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-0_sckX2VE&feature=related
May you watch Ethan grow until you are too old to worry about dying young. My wish for you.
First: Daily Freebies- "Very Cute!"?????? I'd like to Very Cute them.
Second: My heart breaks for you. I certainly don't any idea of what it's like to wonder if what the doctor says means I will live or die, but I DO know what it's like to imagine your life without your child--and so, dear one...I have nothing to say but I'm sorry and I love you and hope that with every breath you take you are able to find joy. You know my new word for everything is bittersweet...I'm going to let you share it for a while, and in the meantime, I will pray for you to have peace. That's all I feel like we can really ask for sometimes--peace to accept whatever it is that comes.
Many, many hugs to you...
I wish I knew what to say, but it's hard. I know what I do - I appreciate the little things, the little victories that I had with my boys and those are what I try to focus on when times are tough or when I wish things were different. That is why I blog about the most boring topics sometimes - those are the topics I want to remember. I wish you love and happiness in the little moments, because it's in those moments that I find joy.
Hugs, my friend.
Enjoy sledding tomorrow. Sledding with my parents is a very fond memory of mine. We also used to take cups and scoop up fresh snow and mom would pour maple syrup over it. A little weird, maybe, but I'll never forget it.
oh lady.
my heart aches.
Everyone here has said such beautiful things.
I admire your courage (having a living will & books on how to deal) Most people would hide in fear. Doesn't seem like your style. Badasses are cool like that.
Enjoy EVERY moment. That's all you can do.
XO
I love books. Reading books about the issues in my life -- autism, in my case -- helps me feel more in control in a situation that really has very little to control. The number of books on my shelf is a pretty good gauge of how things are going: Bought only a couple books? Things are OK. Big Brown Truck pulling up every day? Times are bad. One day midway through 2004 the shelf broke and fell off the wall. Really. Not a good year.
Don't know exactly what to ask for, but I'm sending up some prayers. Maybe strength and peace?
I'm crying for you, and with you. What more can be said, that hasn't been said already on here? The moments that your son will remember forever are the ones that can't be planned. I hope you two had a wonderful time sledding. Sending you virtual hugs, and saying my prayers for you and your family to be strong. He has a reason for everything He does.
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