Four Years

Exactly four years ago, today, I was diagnosed by University of Maryland with a brain tumor (for those keeping score, I was undiagnosed in mid-December 2007, then re-diagnosed at Hopkins in June 2008. Oops!).

At the time, I was 32. My son was 4. The 5-year survival rates for the really bad kinds of brain tumor are less than 1%, the really good kind ... around 30%. Four years, to the day -- but who's counting? To celebrate, I am planning turkey with my parents and my gorgeous, hilarious, kind-hearted 8-year-old.

I can still drive, walk, write, shop (!) and I still understand why the word "chiweenie" is just really damn funny. For ALL of those reasons, and many more, I am thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving week to all of my friends who have been here through this journey.

Lost in Translation

This weekend we celebrated my father's birthday.

The card we selected was from the Barnes & Noble Unicef line. Each card assists in providing medical care for one child overseas. As a practicing dentist, my dad was involved in many organizations that provided pro bono dental services, so I knew he would appreciate the card.

We gave him the card, along with his presents. My dad read the back and said, “Oh, this is nice … it says this card provides for the vaccination of one child.”

Ethan misheard, and with horror, asked, “MOMMY!???? Why would you buy a card that provides for the assassination of A CHILD!??? THAT! IS! TERRIBLE!!!”

I reassured him it was not for a shooting, but for shots, which for an 8-year-old, is still pretty disturbing.

$50 for $100 in Custom Photo or Art Framing

Many of you have a mother-in-law? Been there. I had what could be described as a cordial relationship with mine, BUT the warmth factor was always upped when I proffered the universal grandparent currency; a nicely framed photo of her adorable grandson. You need this for the holidays, trust. Bonus is that the custom framing is gorgeous and the shop owner treats all his clients like family (in a good way).

Juice in the City is offering $100 in custom photo, art, or other (shadowbox of all those medals your kids won at swim team this summer?) framing for only $50.

Here is what is included in your custom framing service at Mat About You in historic Ellicott City:

• Expert design assistance to make your art look its best
• Quality mouldings from a large selection including classic and contemporary styles in woods, geso, inlays, polymers and composites
• Exclusive safeguard canvas stretching and handling. Museum quality treatment of all works on canvas.
• Superior matting using buffered acid-free or rag matting to assure conservation. Value standard matting is also available.
• Premium mounting of art following guidelines set by the Library of Congress and the American Institute for Conservation. Dry mounting, box mounting and vacuum mounting are also available.
• Finest quality art glass to enhance and protect the art or object. Select from Premium Clear, Ultraviolet Protecting Glass or Plexiglas™, Anti-Reflex ion or Museum Glass or Museum Plexiglas.
• Safety hardware that guarantees to hold your work safely in its frame and mounting
• Archival and conservation adhesives and barrier tape. Other types of fasteners, adhesives, t apes, etc., are available when required.
• Heirloom craftsmanship -- all work is done in house by framers and designers with over 40 years of experience who are experts in the latest trends and techniques.

How do you get this amazing deal? Go here to the link below at Juice in the City to support his shop, your need to brag about your apple-cheeked baby, and your in-law relationship over the holidays, all in one fell swoop.

http://www.juiceinthecity.com/markets/bethesdachevy-chase/deals#

$50 for $100 Worth of Handcrafted Gifts at Artcraft National Harbor (or on-line!)

$50 for $100 Worth of Handcrafted Gifts

at Artcraft, National Harbor

Go here ... Amazing gifts, National Harbor location. Visit there over the holidays, see ICE with your kids, visit Santa, have hot cocoa, and SHOP!

Enjoy $100 worth of handcrafted gifts from this incredible boutique for only $50 from Juice in the City. The link is here: http://www.juiceinthecity.com/markets/the-district/deals?


It's not really about us... it's about YOU!

At Artcraft, it’s our mission to bring you the best and freshest handmade work by American artisans in a friendly and fun atmosphere with the best service you can find anywhere... whether you browse in one of our store locations or on the net!

Mixing practical and functional with presentational and unconventional work from more than 500 artists. Artcraft National Harbor offers handcrafted furniture, glass, ceramics, metal ,wood, fiber jewelry and lots of other cool stuff.

We travel the country to find emerging artists creating unique pieces for your home, office, friends and family. We specialize in one of the most comprehensive collections of furniture from STICKS, Houston Designer DAVID MARSH, RALPH GARRETT, BELLA BELLA and VENEZIA, all of which can be custom designed especially for you to "embrace your space".

So sit back, relax and browse. Dive deep. Find a gift to send or just to make you feel good. Design a custom piece of handmade furniture from an American artisan or accessorize your space with any of our fun, sometimes funky but always highest quality products for you and your home.

And, right there, your holiday gift shopping list just got that much shorter. Uncle Ted, Aunt Edna, cousin Sally, your child's teacher, and your mom -- all in one boutique? CHECK!

So, now you can get back to decking those halls, mulling that cider, and fa-la-la-la'ing.

Norman Rockwell Would Be Proud

Veterans Day has me thinking about giving back. To all those who serve ... thank you.

I used to feel guilty about missing my family when trial prep would keep me overnight at the office, so I can only imagine how it must feel to be away from your loved ones for so very long.

This year, we will be having a smaller than usual guest list for Thanksgiving, so we will have some room at our table. If you know of a loved one, elderly neighbor, or anyone who will not have a family to celebrate with this Thanksgiving, please let me know. I would love to have them as my guest in my home.

While I cannot promise perfection in the kitchen (to quote E, "You are a really good mom and all, but not the best chef in the world. No offense."); I can promise that there will be lively conversation and that the wine will be flowing.

Please leave me a comment with an email address if there is someone you have in mind.

PS Serial killers need not apply (am talking to YOU Dexter!, though I do love your show), however, just a misdemeanor ... we can work with that.

Hollywood

I have fourteen million things to do today. So, naturally, I spent my morning on this website www.taaz.com, trying on virtual hair and make-up. Priorities, people.

This one was my favorite: Charlize Theron's hair and make-up from the Oscars. Really, I think we could be twins?

My agent will be taking calls for my next part. To be clear, my rider states that I will need the following in my trailer:

1) One new toilet seat and gold faucets. 24-karat ONLY!
2) 1,000 gallons of filtered Evian water, heated to 98.7 degrees, for bathing.
3) One attendant to take my used chewing gum and another to go around every two hours to disinfect doorknobs.
4) A life-sized cutout of myself in the bedroom suite.
5) Fourteen bouquets of sunset orange, partially-bloomed, long-stemmed roses, all thorns removed. NO BABY'S BREATH!
6) Peach-colored toilet tissue, to match my complexion.

NO EXCEPTIONS!!!!

And, Yet, I Am Still A Crazy Cat Lady ...

Diary of a Dog:

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Diary of a Cat:

Day 983 of My Captivity

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt
to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a
mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this
would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my
capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about
what a "good little hunter" I am.

** Props to my friend, Sarah G, for being so damn funny. Credit goes to her for this post.

Normal

This morning: What time is it? 8:00? 7:00? 12:30 (who set that one)? Let's go ... where are your pants!? No, it is 40 degrees out you cannot wear shorts ... underwear is not optional ... I don't care what Britney Spears thinks ...OK, in the car, late to school ... E brushed, breakfast'ed, dressed, and scrubbed ... me: pajama bottoms, flip-flops, coffee spilled on lap, unbrushed teeth ... Hopefully we won't run in to other moms ... "HEY! OTHER MOMS!" ... "Oh, HEY Headmaster of School ... HAHA! I know, I am NOT dressed ... I gave up real clothes for Lent!" ... 5 missed phone calls by the time I get back in car ... 3 from doctors (they KNOW I am violating bed rest!) ... in other words, things are getting back to normal around here.

Alive, Not Dead

In what will eventually become Chapter 34: I Hate IVs and Ambulances in my New York Times best-selling memoir, I am happy to report that I cheated death this weekend, yet again. Ernst & Young conservative accounting reports indicate that I am on my seventh life, give or take.

The short version: A working hypothesis is that it appears that perhaps neuro drugs do not play well with other organs, specifically hearts, but we will need more testing to figure out what the hell actually happened. Because doctors seem to have very little clue when it comes to actually knowing the answers to such things when they happen to me. The definitive diagnosis is, "I have no real clue. Huh." It is like I am that footnote in the medical school textbook, on the page they skimmed because they been out at The Wharf Rat the night before for 50 cent Purple Hooter shooters and $1 day-old oysters, and besides, it probably would not be on the final anyhow. (A personal apology to all the doctor friends that I know and love, but that has been my experience as an Extreme Health patient. McDreamy, don't give me that look; so judge-y with your judgement eyes.)

The long version: 911, 4 am ambulance ride, lots of nitroglycerin and other heart stuff, loss of consciousness, more IVs than I could count. "CLEAR!!!" and paddles and George Clooney running down the hall in scrubs, with Dr. McDreamy behind him, who told me he would have to do an awake craniotomy, but it would be fine because when it was over, he would buy me a unicorn named "Sparkles" and then there was tea and Divinity candy with my Nana on a cloud of pink sugar ... OK, so maybe that last part had a little to do with the morphine?

But the first part really happened.

PS Home now, recovering. Slowly. Bed rest. Am not supposed to exert myself or get stressed. Um-kay, have we met?