And, Yet, I Am Still A Crazy Cat Lady ...

Diary of a Dog:

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Diary of a Cat:

Day 983 of My Captivity

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt
to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a
mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this
would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my
capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about
what a "good little hunter" I am.

** Props to my friend, Sarah G, for being so damn funny. Credit goes to her for this post.