I am surveying the contents of our kitchen trying to find something to eat for dinner. Note that I specifically and deliberately did not use the word "cook" because I am not a very good one. Eating, however, is something I truly excel at.
My mom is a fabulous cook and at some point, tried to teach me. Her lessons did not really "take." I set off the smoke detectors recently reheating pizza in the oven. Come to think of it, just the other night, I set them off again when I started a (small) fire on the dining room table while sending out Christmas cards and burning candles (to be clear, I mailed the cards, not the burning candles).
Which reminds me - true story - several years ago, our then twelve-week old kitten caught itself on FIRE when he leapt over a lit candle on the dining room table. Because whatever entity in charge of things that happen in my life has impeccable comedic timing, this occured in the middle of serving brunch to my in-laws. There was black, singed kitty hair sprinkled all over the beautifully set table and brand-new wedding china.
Ok -now I am laughing out loud. No calling the SPCA, the cat was and is fine - just a surface wound. However, let it be known that Bath & Body Works will not likely be releasing a new fragrance called "Smoke and Burnt Cat Fur." Our apartment smelled like a taxidermy studio for weeks. My in-laws? Super impressed.
Despite the obvious deficiencies, my early New Year's Resolution (one of the many) is to have more meals at home that are not take-out, even if they involve cooking in the microwave or simply eating salads ... or ice cream. A fundamental flaw in my plan is that Jeff has been doing the grocery shopping recently. Why is that a flaw? I give you ... Ta Da! ... the actual contents of our pantry:
One economy-sized bag of mini-marshmallows
A case (!) of Red Bull
A jar of tartar sauce
One sad, lonely baking potato (slightly wilted, with sprouts)
Fossilized fluorescent orange Halloween "Peeps" in the shape of pumpkins
Wonder if Kraft.com has a casserole recipe for these ingredients? I bet Red Bull and Halloween Peep are a kick-ass combination.
My mom is a fabulous cook and at some point, tried to teach me. Her lessons did not really "take." I set off the smoke detectors recently reheating pizza in the oven. Come to think of it, just the other night, I set them off again when I started a (small) fire on the dining room table while sending out Christmas cards and burning candles (to be clear, I mailed the cards, not the burning candles).
Which reminds me - true story - several years ago, our then twelve-week old kitten caught itself on FIRE when he leapt over a lit candle on the dining room table. Because whatever entity in charge of things that happen in my life has impeccable comedic timing, this occured in the middle of serving brunch to my in-laws. There was black, singed kitty hair sprinkled all over the beautifully set table and brand-new wedding china.
Ok -now I am laughing out loud. No calling the SPCA, the cat was and is fine - just a surface wound. However, let it be known that Bath & Body Works will not likely be releasing a new fragrance called "Smoke and Burnt Cat Fur." Our apartment smelled like a taxidermy studio for weeks. My in-laws? Super impressed.
Despite the obvious deficiencies, my early New Year's Resolution (one of the many) is to have more meals at home that are not take-out, even if they involve cooking in the microwave or simply eating salads ... or ice cream. A fundamental flaw in my plan is that Jeff has been doing the grocery shopping recently. Why is that a flaw? I give you ... Ta Da! ... the actual contents of our pantry:
One economy-sized bag of mini-marshmallows
A case (!) of Red Bull
A jar of tartar sauce
One sad, lonely baking potato (slightly wilted, with sprouts)
Fossilized fluorescent orange Halloween "Peeps" in the shape of pumpkins
Wonder if Kraft.com has a casserole recipe for these ingredients? I bet Red Bull and Halloween Peep are a kick-ass combination.
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