More Fun Than A Bucket Of Puppies

(*I know, that is not a bucket, but best I could do.)

A friend of mine has likened my personality to that of a golden retrievers. A puppy golden retriever, actually. I believe she means that I enjoy meeting new people and am generally friendly and easy-going. Of course, she could mean that I slobber a lot and like to be scratched behind the ears. Or the house-breaking thing? It's unclear. To-may-to, to-mah-to.

Waiting in line today at Giant, I made a new acquaintance who noted my willingness to chat and had some important questions about an upcoming holiday.

Bear with me while I set the scene, this is important for the rest of the plot. I was buying the ingredients for a traditional gourmet dinner: a can of corn, a box of cereal, and some milk, and was tapping my foot in the world's slowest self-checkout line. My purse was slung across my shoulder. While the line inched forward, I reached into the purse to confirm that I had, in fact, grabbed my wallet on my way out the door. I pulled it out and tossed it back in the bag as the corn started to slip from my hand.

Man watches me struggling with my purchases and steps in to help. As he hands me back my can of corn, I smile broadly and say, "Thank you so much! Those cans are slippery!"

He takes my smile as an invitation to pursue further conversation. He gestures in the general vicinity of my chest with his box of Wheat Thins and says, "So, are those new?" His eyes are fixed on my cleavage.

I am a little confused. "Um?"

He continues, "So, where did you get those? They look like they match really well?"

"Um? Wha ...?"

The awkwardness continues, "So, I'm thinking of getting my wife a set for Mother's Day. What do you think? Have you been happy with them? She's been talking about getting a new set for awhile and hers are getting old. Yours look pretty new."

"UMMM ......?"

"So, those are Dooney and Burke, right? Your wallet and purse? Your set?"

Lightbulb literally goes off, as I laugh loudly and nervously, "OHH! My purse and WALLET! YES! Your wife DOES need a new set!" I am so relieved he is not some weird creeper that I am in full-on tail-wagging mode. "YES! Every woman should have a matching set! A NEW set! Yes, just what she wants for Mother's Day! SO much better than flowers! OR plastic surgery! HAHAHA ... haahhahaa ..."

He could not get away fast enough. I think my enthusiasm scared him.