Secure In His Masculinity

I wasn't planning to dress up this year, but when you find a $2 platinum Sharpay from High School Musical hairpiece, complete with tiara, you buy now and ask questions later. Feel free to write that life lesson down and stick it somewhere important for future reference. I think the hair looks real, don't you?

One guess which NFL player could not wait to get his hands on my costume. Like any true performer, the attire was all he needed to assume character ...

Hola, adoring fans! I am waiting for my bottle of Evian after a taxing night of trick-or-treating. Evian is key, the French just know their water. Of course, it must be chilled to 71-degrees --- not 70-degrees, not 72-degrees --- really, not so much chilled as merely kissed with a touch of refrigeration. Must respect the vocal cords! Please maintain your patience, fans, I will prepared to greet the masses after proper hydration and a brief consult with my astrologer.

So much better! That Evian does wonders for my dewy complexion, no? Did I mention it must be 71-degrees? Very important. With a bendy straw. Pale blue to match my eyes.

You'd like a profile shot? Sure. This is my best angle, it highlights my bone structure.

THAT IS IT! Press session OVER!

Did my PR Agent (aka Mom) not specifically warn against asking about That One Incident From When I Was Five Years Old That Shall Not Be Mentioned? Whatever happened to the concepts of journalist integrity and respect of privacy?! FAME is SO HARD these days. I give and give and give and the public just takes and takes and takes.

C'mon PR Lady (Mom), time to duck into the limo and go somewhere better. Somewhere without the commoners, where people respect my craft and delicate temperament.

Mom?

Mommy?!

MOMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do not forget my bottle of Evian. Or you're fired.