You kicked Jeff out last week so that he had to stay in a hotel. Saying he left of his own volition is a lie. It'll be very interesting in court..and sad..to see the things you've said on here disproved. You left Jeff for Thanksgiving and New Year's. Are you driving Ethan to school and back home again these days? How is he coping with this? - Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Dear Anonymous,
Your thoughtful comment to my last post caused me to have several reactions.
My first reaction is that you must be related to Jeff, or sleeping with him. If it is the former, OK, I get the taking sides of things. If it is the latter, have at it, that is no longer my domain. If it is both, then according to Family Law 101, that is illegal, not to mention yucky, so please cut it out.
My second reaction is that there are two sides to every story. Except when I am telling it. On my blog. Then it is my side. That is just how it works.
My third reaction is to be pleased that you are concerned about Ethan's welfare. Thank you for worrying about the impact of all this on my child! I can feel your happy thoughts for both us warming my soul.
To respond to your query about school transportation, I told Ethan that he should start walking, because I am too lazy to drive him, but he complained because it is over fifteen miles to get there, and the route crosses two major highways. I said, fine, not my problem. So I disenrolled him. He is happy with that choice since they were just about to learn fractions and he said that sounded hard. In case you are worried about his future lack of fancy book learning, I would not. To make up for all the time I spend ignoring him, he is now watching sixteen hours a day of Dr. Phil and Oprah. Dr. Phil has helped him kick his chain-smoking habit, so I am pleased about that.
As for religion, he has decided that he wants to explore peyote and small animal sacrifice at the local Wiccan house; again, his life, his choice, I support his decisions. As for nutrition, he has decided that he only wants to eat blue things, such as boysenberry Jelly Bellys (I eat the other colors), but only at midnight, since he is allowed to choose his own bedtime now.
I would write more on how he is faring, but I left him in the other room with a fifth of bourbon for dinner (not blue, but he likes to play spin-the-bottle with the fourteen-year-old next door when he has polished off all the liquor) and a set of serrated steak knives to throw against the ceiling. The toy budget has been cut since we have two households now, so I've had to improvise.
And, my fourth reaction ... pay attention, this one is important: A split like is always painful and divisive. Everyone is hurting in this situation, and your hurtful comments help nobody. Stop. Seriously.
17 comments:
You have my support. You have my respect. You have my compassion.
Its always interesting how people on the outside feel like they know a) how you feel b)can sit an play judge . The truth is no one knows how they would react or deal with any given situation ... if one wants to help ~ a listening ear and letting the other person know they are their if they need them ..is the only correct thing to say ..if they want to be a friend.
You are turning to your writing to let out feelings ... (You inspire me to share more about my own situation).. by doing so you are getting it (the pain/frustration) out and in turn you may be reaching someone who is in a similar situation and they may find some comfort - they are not alone or its not just them.
Growing up my grandmother taught me - if you can't show compassion ..then don't stop and rub salt in someone's wound.
My heart, prayers and thoughts go out to you my friend ~ any of us could find ourselves in your situation ... hear to listen..xo HHL
You are a good writer. Amusing, intelligent and seem to be alot of fun...and probably a good lawyer And clever.
You denied nothing that I said. And you didn't because it was all the truth. You directed attention elsewhere...very good strategy and you tried to be humorous.
It's a sad situtaion for the 3 of you. I'm not Jeff or anyone else's girlfriend... Jeff's a little too young..Like about 25 years.
I hope your tumor isn't a tumor, I hope you learn to cook,hope you learn to be a grown-up.
This will undoubtedly expendite that process.
Clearly "Anonymous" doesn't have anything better to do then, sit at home and locate your blog and talk crap.
Kudos to your post. =)
I know two people who made their blogs private because of unsolicited hurtful comments. In one, it is necessary for invited readers to sign in. If you would like to information on how this was done I will try to get the information for you. I would hate it if anything that you wrote on YOUR BLOG came back to bite you in the tush. RBottonister (at) yahoo dot com
Anonymous - To be clear, I do not owe you (or anyone) an explanation about anything in my life, be it this situation or otherwise, in an Internet forum.
My blog going forward will address my feelings on the split (my personal therapy and way to vent), but clearly not any legal details, or details of blame.
As a CYA for anyone who later reads this post, or for any custody matters: Of course the jokes I in the post are hyberbole. Ethan is being well taken care of, we are attending to his emotional needs, and otherwise, and we both love him.
My husband (not yet ex) is still Ethan's father. I will always love him for that and will not say anything damaging that my son could later read. I still love my family (in whatever form) and this all hurts very much. Neither of us wanted it to be like this.
I will say thank you for the compliments on my writing, for taking the time to read, and for your opinions, which you are certainly entitled to.
As for being a grown-up? Yes, I am still currently a work in progress, but who is not?
I think anonymous posters are such wusses...own up to your comments. I have never though about throwing steak knives up at the ceiling...our ceilings are kind of high so it really would be a great challenge for the 2 year olds...I like it.
I just stumbled onto your blog recently from a link on another I read. I'm glad to see you have your sense of humor intact. It's a good sign that you will come out of this just fine. As for anonymous, it is never OK to "dis" someone on their own forum. Create your own blog and spew venom all you want but
it is cowardly and just wrong to
hijack someone else's diary in this way. You certainly have a right to your opinion, as everyone does, but this is not the place to voice it.
Anonymous = Coward
Jenny, keep your chin up. You and your family are in my prayers.
I am with the person who said that one is a coward to post under an anonymous tagname. We are becoming a society where it is okay to slag someone under the cover of a paper bag over our head. If you are going to walk around with a paper bag over your head, you deserve to be ignored.
Anonymous also reminded me of my mother's ever-present advice, "If you can't say something nice about someone, don't say anything at all".
Hope you are doing okay, Ethan's mom. You have many supporters.
Anonymous seems a little too close for comfort. As in an older relative. I am sorry that in this situation you have to be attacked on your own personal forum. You handle it with grace. Big hug!
An anonymous post that basically engages in name-calling and finger-pointing and ends with "hope you learn to be a grown-up"?
Pot, meet kettle.
Crazy Woman,
You are my hero. Really, wit, humor, truthfully showing your raw pain, and working through it with a public audience is therapeutic and brave. No more stewing allowed regarding anon. Just laugh and shake your head. It's probably an 8 year old boy anyway! :)
Really, thank you for keeping us posted. Good job standing, and I doubt you need any advice about what can and can't come back to bite you. And intellegent hilarious and REAL lady like you. I wish we could lift a glass and talk the night away in real life.
Hugs and good wishes! Jenny
I have read your blog for awhile, no idea how long. i have not read every post you have written, but i never found that you have anything disparaging to say about anyone. even your husband when you were obviously having issues. I have complete respect for your sense of humour, your ability to find the light side of things, and how you are sticking to the high road. you have dealt with your "anonymous" person admirably!
whoever this person is obviously feeling a need to attack you in a personal manner, and in a cowardly fashion. i love that you didn't address their accusations!
dear anonymous, is their marriage any of your business? is their son? is her ability to be able to cook or not? who are you to even stinking care?
keep up the good work jenny.
Hi Jenny,
It's been 25 years since we last talked. We were BFF in 4th/5th grade until I moved. But you have been on my mind lately and I recently ran across a letter I have kept all these years that you wrote to me not long after I moved. So today at work I decided to look you up and see if I could find you. I've spent that last hour or so reading over you blog and catching up with your life through the past few years. First off, you are as beautiful now as you were then. That smile!!! Never could forget that. You still have that sense of humor that I loved about you. And you also spoke of Chris S. in one of your blogs and boy did that bring up a lot of memories for me. I've sat here and smiled and been teary eyed through out your blog. Life is never easy, that's for sure. But I just wanted you to know that a friend from long ago is out here and I wish I could give you a hug and make everything better. I just hope knowing that I am thinking of you will put a smile on your face today. I know just seeing your pictures put a smile on mine and let me relive some happy moments in life. Take Care!
Who the hell wants to be a grown up? If you can have a life threatening condition and avoid that making you a 'grown up' then that's a real gift. Grown ups are dull, boring and grumpy. Grown ups would never make sure their child saw Lepreuchan wee in the toilet on St Patricks day. I may be an addult but heaven help anyone who suggests I'm a 'grown-up'.
On the nutrition front do you not think you should encourage Ethan to have the occasional red, yellow or chocolate day? Just a thought! ;D
In 1986 when I divorced my boys (3) father there were no blogs to vent on. (Gosh I am old, I think Apples had not even come out yet!) I too was a professional who worked too much and it was a big step with lots of negative comments from family and friends. Boys did not starve and now as adults they know what was what. Kids are smarter than we think and "anonymous" really doesn't have a clue or a backbone! I have read your blog for a while (not sure how I found it..) and just want to say this too shall pass, hang in there!
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