He Wants To Be A Billionaire

Jeff keeps all sorts of old shizz in our spare room in the basement. Like gold coins, and maybe, garbage bags of his hair and nail clippings. I have no idea. It is his hoarding domain down there and it scares me.

Last night, I was desperate. Ethan lost a tooth and it had been a long day, so I went rummaging in the basement. It was not his first lost tooth, nor his second, but his third. The first missing tooth got a handwritten note, some silver glitter (fairy dust) on the floor and pillow, and a shiny gold-colored dollar from the bank. The dollar was worth one dollar (this point will be important later). The second tooth got a crisp two-dollar bill from the bank worth - are you paying attention? - two dollars, and a handwritten note, but no glitter, because the first round of fairy dust was still lingering in places that the vacuum refuses to acknowledge. I will have to explain to the next buyer of this house that I am not a stripper, but that I merely like crafts. Ok, not really, I hate crafts. But I like glitter. Especially fairy glitter.

So ... the third tooth. Last night at midnight, I surveyed the contents of my purse for something fairy-worthy to stuff under a pillow. The verdict was not good: several linty Tic-Tacs, a half-eaten Fruit Roll-Up, or four dusty nickles. Nickles seemed anti-climatic and I did not want to part with the linty Tic-Tacs or Fruit Roll-Up in case I needed a snack for later. Ethan was sleeping and I knew if I waited until morning, the tooth fairy would not make an appearance (she's not on her game before coffee). If the tooth fairy failed to show, I might as well tell the kid that those rainbow cupcakes from the bakery were made from the blood of Care Bears and My Little Ponies.

Ah HA! I recalled there was one gold coin I'd seen about a hundred years ago floating around in a basement office drawer. A brave visit to that corner of the spare room where all the spiders live yielded - and I kid you not - Jeff's college fake ID. Idaho. Brown hair/brown eyes. Five-foot six. Which seems close, except he is blond with blue eyes. Oh, and SIX-FOOT FOUR. Small details. I also came across a calendar from the realtor who sold us our house, in 2002. That will be useful someday. Before I unearthed the meth lab and Egyptian mummy that are probably hiding down there, I accomplished the mission and found the gold coin I'd been searching for. Good news! The Tic-Tacs remained in my purse, and I got to keep my nickles. I noted that the gold coin was imprinted with $10. Using my superpowers of analytic reasoning, I assumed that meant the value of this particular coin was, in fact, $10.

Ethan took his $10 coin to school, carried it around in his pocket, ran around the playground, dropped it in the dirt, and at one point, traded it with a friend for a large rock dug out from under the baseball diamond, which he traded back after ten minutes.

There is a jeweler around the corner from Ethan's school. They have a "Cash For Gold" sign in their store window, which Ethan finds intriguing. Since he has never owned anything gold before, there was never any reason to visit. Now that he was the proud owner of a "real" gold coin, Ethan begged to take his gold coin to see how much it was worth, to "see if he could get some cash." Sure! We had nothing to do for the next hour! And I am sure the jewelry store staff have nothing better to do at 5:00 PM on a Wednesday then entertain us!

I did not look closely at what the tooth fairy was handing out. The gold lady at the jeweler did. She was pleased to inform Ethan that his tooth fairy basement relic was real gold. And originally minted in 1894. Then she asked if he wanted to sell it to her for $675.

That ought to pay for his veneers.