Small Potatoes

"Mom and Me" by Ethan

Ethan's class wrote and illustated books for Mother's Day. My son's edition is very special and sure to be an instant classic.

My moms name is Jinny Seedor. She is 33 year old !!!!

The first page shows me, MOM!!!!!/Jinny Seedor. Instead of a typical child-drawn skinny stick figure, I am built like a potato - baked, I think - with three-prong pitchfork hands sprouting from my armpit region and upturned elf-shoe toes sprouting from my nether region. Above Potato-Me is this proclamation: 33!!!! I suppose when you are six, 33 (!) warrants multiple excited punctuation marks. Potato-Me's hair is bright blue and overdue for a trim and blowout.

Her favorite TV show is Gossip Girl and Graysatame and Home Ulon.

Potato-Me is either reclined on a piece of furniture, or sandwiched into an enormous hot dog bun, it is hard to tell. Potato-Me's pitchfork arm/hands are waving with glee, so it must be a pretty good episode. On the TV screen is a steroid-enhanced squirrel eating a piece of lettuce. Or Blake Lively. Unclear. Potato-Me now has orange hair.

She is as pretty as a shiny car because she drss is pretty.

This time my potato head is bald, the stress of picking out an outfit must have been quite a lot. Potato-Me is covered with protruding black and green and purple tentacles/fringe, so either Potato-Me is "drss pretty" or in the midst of an acupuncture appointment gone seriously wrong.

She is so smant. She even knows one of my shark names.

Potato-Me's hair has returned - back to blue - and Potato-Ethan is holding my hand. I can tell the two of us apart because he is the red bliss sized potato, with salad fork hands instead of full pitchforks. And because I am so smant.

Mom and I like play chssers.

Potato-Me and Potato-Ethan with a red table in between. Potato-Ethan has about 50,000 checkers on his side and an intensely competitive expression on his potato face. Meanwhile, Potato-Me has zero checkers, and is smiling blindingly despite the loss.

I make Mommy smile when I ticut her because she thinks it feels weand.

Potato-Ethan is now pink and "ticut[ing]" Potato-Me, who is extra-large and purple. It must have been salon day because Potato-Me is wearing a purple hairstyle any drag queen worth their Spanx would envy. Potato-Me is laughing uproariously because being "ticut" feels "weand", especially when one is being "ticut" by miniature cutlery.

I love my Mom because sheloves me.

Potato-Me is large and blue and Potato-Ethan is small and brown. Behind us is a red heart the size of Wisconsin and an American flag with the number ONE spelled out. Because I am smant and, also, patriotic.

I love you with all my heart, my little potato.

Happy Mother's Day to all!