Just for you. I feel like you needed some cheering up. Also, of all the people I know, I feel like you would appreciate the following more than anyone else.
For others, I have gotten word back from U. Maryland & Pittsburgh on the state of the union after the last scans and visual impairment. I have the neurosurgical consult appointment tomorrow at Hopkins and then I will do my best to synthesize and provide an executive summary of the current situation once I can cross-reference notes and take a deep breath.
But, today, I am looking for some distraction. And, I found it! This falls into the category of There Are People That Are Worse Off Than Us. Or maybe, Sometimes There Are Things You Cannot Do Anything About No Matter How Hard You Try.
Those that know me well are fully aware of my love/hate shark relationship. I will watch all the Discovery Channel shark shows with my feet safely hidden under a blanket and never dangling over the couch (just in case). And then DVR to watch later, in case I have not sufficiently scared myself on first viewing.
One common thread among the shark shows is how they spend 58 minutes of each show detailing the most horrific shark attacks in the history of horrific shark attacks and then 30 seconds at the end reassuring viewers that the shark did not WANT to bite that poor, dead person in half and then eat them, but it just happened because the shark got confused. Kind of the feelings I have when I discover I have "accidentally" eaten all the cupcakes in our pantry. Again. I thought they were seals! Clearly.
So I read this article with interest. Here is the full link so I cannot be sued for plagiarizing:
For others, I have gotten word back from U. Maryland & Pittsburgh on the state of the union after the last scans and visual impairment. I have the neurosurgical consult appointment tomorrow at Hopkins and then I will do my best to synthesize and provide an executive summary of the current situation once I can cross-reference notes and take a deep breath.
But, today, I am looking for some distraction. And, I found it! This falls into the category of There Are People That Are Worse Off Than Us. Or maybe, Sometimes There Are Things You Cannot Do Anything About No Matter How Hard You Try.
Those that know me well are fully aware of my love/hate shark relationship. I will watch all the Discovery Channel shark shows with my feet safely hidden under a blanket and never dangling over the couch (just in case). And then DVR to watch later, in case I have not sufficiently scared myself on first viewing.
One common thread among the shark shows is how they spend 58 minutes of each show detailing the most horrific shark attacks in the history of horrific shark attacks and then 30 seconds at the end reassuring viewers that the shark did not WANT to bite that poor, dead person in half and then eat them, but it just happened because the shark got confused. Kind of the feelings I have when I discover I have "accidentally" eaten all the cupcakes in our pantry. Again. I thought they were seals! Clearly.
So I read this article with interest. Here is the full link so I cannot be sued for plagiarizing:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/jan/13/australia-shark-attacks
For all those busy people that want bullet points, here you go. These are verbatim tips about what to do if attacked by a shark:
* If you are in the water, remain calm. You cannot outrun a shark and sharks can sense fear.
* Keep your eye on the shark at all times. Sharks may retreat temporarily and then try to sneak up on you.
* If you can't get out of the water right away, try to reduce the shark's possible angles of attack.
* Fight. Playing dead doesn't work. A hard blow to the shark's gills, eyes, or, as a last resort, to the tip of its nose will cause the shark to retreat. If a shark continues to attack, or if it has you in its mouth, hit these areas repeatedly with hard jabs, and claw at the eyes and gills.
* If you are near shore, swim quickly, but smoothly. Thrashing will attract the shark's attention.
* Sharks have difficulty biting things that are vertical (their nose gets in the way) so avoid leaving your hands and feet loose or going horizontal to swim away from the shark.
* Sharks can't breathe out of water, so, if possible, hold the bitten part of your body out of the water, and get their gills into the air and they will let go of you.
* Sharks tend to thrash prey around to tear chunks out of it, so you should latch on to the shark.
* Repress the urge to scream. Screaming will not deter the shark much and may provoke it further.
To summarize: just lift the bajillion pound shark out of the water using any body part that has not yet been bitten off, while avoiding "tearing" teeth and remaining silent and still - DO NOT SCREAM! - and then swim quickly, but evenly, to shore, as you curl into a tight ball and hold yourself vertical, keeping an eye on the shark, while hoisting any partially severed nubs out of the water and continuing to swim (silently, vertically, and quickly), looking over your shoulder. Got it?
Um ... advantage: shark. Not to discredit the author, but I feel like the practical applications of this piece of journalism are somewhat limited. I think the easier solution is to move to Iowa and take up running. You are welcome for sharing. And, see, don't you feel better now?! It could be worse.
Love, St. Ends.
For all those busy people that want bullet points, here you go. These are verbatim tips about what to do if attacked by a shark:
* If you are in the water, remain calm. You cannot outrun a shark and sharks can sense fear.
* Keep your eye on the shark at all times. Sharks may retreat temporarily and then try to sneak up on you.
* If you can't get out of the water right away, try to reduce the shark's possible angles of attack.
* Fight. Playing dead doesn't work. A hard blow to the shark's gills, eyes, or, as a last resort, to the tip of its nose will cause the shark to retreat. If a shark continues to attack, or if it has you in its mouth, hit these areas repeatedly with hard jabs, and claw at the eyes and gills.
* If you are near shore, swim quickly, but smoothly. Thrashing will attract the shark's attention.
* Sharks have difficulty biting things that are vertical (their nose gets in the way) so avoid leaving your hands and feet loose or going horizontal to swim away from the shark.
* Sharks can't breathe out of water, so, if possible, hold the bitten part of your body out of the water, and get their gills into the air and they will let go of you.
* Sharks tend to thrash prey around to tear chunks out of it, so you should latch on to the shark.
* Repress the urge to scream. Screaming will not deter the shark much and may provoke it further.
To summarize: just lift the bajillion pound shark out of the water using any body part that has not yet been bitten off, while avoiding "tearing" teeth and remaining silent and still - DO NOT SCREAM! - and then swim quickly, but evenly, to shore, as you curl into a tight ball and hold yourself vertical, keeping an eye on the shark, while hoisting any partially severed nubs out of the water and continuing to swim (silently, vertically, and quickly), looking over your shoulder. Got it?
Um ... advantage: shark. Not to discredit the author, but I feel like the practical applications of this piece of journalism are somewhat limited. I think the easier solution is to move to Iowa and take up running. You are welcome for sharing. And, see, don't you feel better now?! It could be worse.
Love, St. Ends.
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