If you have ever imagined an extended vacation from work and fantasized about how long it would be possible to sit around the house in wrinkled pajamas pants eating empty calories while playing on your computer before it became really really tiresome, the answer to that is TEN DAYS.
Day 10 (and 3/4) of Solitary Confinement Project and I am starting to feel the walls close in. Jeff went back to work on Monday so I have been hanging by myself. I have read all of your Facebook pages and commented on your photos, status updates and groups you have joined. I have read (many many) persons' blogs as well as websites about topics I have ever found mildly interesting, or not (history of cheese, anyone?). I have researched every graduate program that exists in the U.S. with the idea that maybe I should get another degree of some sort (on-line). I have researched Fulbright Scholarships & their ilk to see if maybe I should do some sort of study abroad program.
In fact, I believe I may have come close to reading all of the Internet(s). It seems redundant to state that I have had some time on my hands.
Since I may be one of the few people who has now experienced at least 90% of what our information superhighways have to offer, I ask you to consider the following when posting ... to be clear, if you DO blog about the below-mentioned things, I will probably still read your blog, but I will not ENJOY it as much. So consider yourself on notice, Random People I Have Never Met In My Life. Because if I am at home, sitting on my rear, I would very much appreciate at least a half-assed effort at entertaining me.
1. Blogging about how boring your life is, all the time? That is, in a word, boring. My recent life is boring too, that is why I am reading about yours. Please at least have the courtesy to make something up to amuse me!
2. Here and hear and their and there are different words. They are not interchangeable. If you do not know this, and you are over the age of eight and English IS your first language, may I be so bold as to suggest that you should not be allowed unsupervised access to your computer. Because you might be the .000001% of the population that think nothing of using that computer while playing with matches and wearing a jumpsuit soaked in gasoline while balancing a Fourth of July sparkler on your nose. And then you will catch fire and then you will win a $40 million product liability/failure to warn lawsuit against Dell, Mobil, Sparkler Co., and Acme Matchbox. And product liability lawyers are BUSY people - what with Big Tobacco and Big Pharma - they do not need to deal with you right now. I'm just trying to look out for my peeps.
3. Please come up with something else to blog about besides how CUTE your children are, every moment of every day, and HOW MUCH YOU LOVE them. Of course you love them, they are your children, if you did not love them, you would be a terrible person. But ... and trust me on this ... sometimes even cute children that are very loved can be annoying and difficult and give even the best parents a headache. It is OK to admit that and I am deeply suspicious of parents that do not. You can love your children and still want to sell them on Ebay at times (or, at least, short-term lease them while you take a shower).
4. And about those kids, if you are going to post kiddie pics, then please go through the exercise of deleting the ones that are fuzzy or upside down or say things like "First time little Kayla tries black beans!" or (and I am not making this one up) "Little Felicity picks her first scab." A good start would be deleting anything from your camera wherein the central figures are either legumes or solidified bodily fluids (ANY).
5. Puppets do not make good blog/photojournal material. Ever. I will not explain this further.
So ... you see I have had some time to think about the things that really matter in life. The goal was to hear from JH and Pittsburgh about their take on MRI/vision/driving before I got back behind the wheel (still waiting). It has been my experience that the more serious your medical concern is, the more widely divergent two medical opinions will be on the topic. I was told late this afternoon by the Pittsburgh assistant that my scans and reports are on Dr.[page intentionally left blank]'s desk citing some "International Endonasal Conference" as reason for the delay ... if I had a nickle for every time I heard that same old lame excuse! They will be reviewed later tonight.
Consider this fair warning: I am LEAVING the house in fifteen minutes. In a motor vehicle. I am planning on driving 1/8 of a mile away from where I live, in any direction, with the goal of going to a place that is not the inside of my own house. Where does not matter. It may be an Exxon gas station bathroom. I may just drive there and stand in there and soak in the sights and sounds and smells of someplace that, again, is not my house. As some wise person once said, "It is not the destination, it is the journey." Or whatever. I don't really do deep quotes. You get the gist.
So if you live near me and you see a large, grey SUV in your lane and/or heading toward you, manned by a blond woman covered in cookie crumbs and wearing pajamas pants, kindly fulfill your civic duty and move your vehicle out of my way. Because I am very anxious to get to that Exxon and I have decided that it is far more dangerous for me to sit in the house for one more second than it is for me to possibly suffer a second episode of vision loss while driving.
If I do not return within 24 hours, please contact the second floor of Nordstrom and ask for Valerie. She will know exactly where to find me.
Day 10 (and 3/4) of Solitary Confinement Project and I am starting to feel the walls close in. Jeff went back to work on Monday so I have been hanging by myself. I have read all of your Facebook pages and commented on your photos, status updates and groups you have joined. I have read (many many) persons' blogs as well as websites about topics I have ever found mildly interesting, or not (history of cheese, anyone?). I have researched every graduate program that exists in the U.S. with the idea that maybe I should get another degree of some sort (on-line). I have researched Fulbright Scholarships & their ilk to see if maybe I should do some sort of study abroad program.
In fact, I believe I may have come close to reading all of the Internet(s). It seems redundant to state that I have had some time on my hands.
Since I may be one of the few people who has now experienced at least 90% of what our information superhighways have to offer, I ask you to consider the following when posting ... to be clear, if you DO blog about the below-mentioned things, I will probably still read your blog, but I will not ENJOY it as much. So consider yourself on notice, Random People I Have Never Met In My Life. Because if I am at home, sitting on my rear, I would very much appreciate at least a half-assed effort at entertaining me.
1. Blogging about how boring your life is, all the time? That is, in a word, boring. My recent life is boring too, that is why I am reading about yours. Please at least have the courtesy to make something up to amuse me!
2. Here and hear and their and there are different words. They are not interchangeable. If you do not know this, and you are over the age of eight and English IS your first language, may I be so bold as to suggest that you should not be allowed unsupervised access to your computer. Because you might be the .000001% of the population that think nothing of using that computer while playing with matches and wearing a jumpsuit soaked in gasoline while balancing a Fourth of July sparkler on your nose. And then you will catch fire and then you will win a $40 million product liability/failure to warn lawsuit against Dell, Mobil, Sparkler Co., and Acme Matchbox. And product liability lawyers are BUSY people - what with Big Tobacco and Big Pharma - they do not need to deal with you right now. I'm just trying to look out for my peeps.
3. Please come up with something else to blog about besides how CUTE your children are, every moment of every day, and HOW MUCH YOU LOVE them. Of course you love them, they are your children, if you did not love them, you would be a terrible person. But ... and trust me on this ... sometimes even cute children that are very loved can be annoying and difficult and give even the best parents a headache. It is OK to admit that and I am deeply suspicious of parents that do not. You can love your children and still want to sell them on Ebay at times (or, at least, short-term lease them while you take a shower).
4. And about those kids, if you are going to post kiddie pics, then please go through the exercise of deleting the ones that are fuzzy or upside down or say things like "First time little Kayla tries black beans!" or (and I am not making this one up) "Little Felicity picks her first scab." A good start would be deleting anything from your camera wherein the central figures are either legumes or solidified bodily fluids (ANY).
5. Puppets do not make good blog/photojournal material. Ever. I will not explain this further.
So ... you see I have had some time to think about the things that really matter in life. The goal was to hear from JH and Pittsburgh about their take on MRI/vision/driving before I got back behind the wheel (still waiting). It has been my experience that the more serious your medical concern is, the more widely divergent two medical opinions will be on the topic. I was told late this afternoon by the Pittsburgh assistant that my scans and reports are on Dr.[page intentionally left blank]'s desk citing some "International Endonasal Conference" as reason for the delay ... if I had a nickle for every time I heard that same old lame excuse! They will be reviewed later tonight.
Consider this fair warning: I am LEAVING the house in fifteen minutes. In a motor vehicle. I am planning on driving 1/8 of a mile away from where I live, in any direction, with the goal of going to a place that is not the inside of my own house. Where does not matter. It may be an Exxon gas station bathroom. I may just drive there and stand in there and soak in the sights and sounds and smells of someplace that, again, is not my house. As some wise person once said, "It is not the destination, it is the journey." Or whatever. I don't really do deep quotes. You get the gist.
So if you live near me and you see a large, grey SUV in your lane and/or heading toward you, manned by a blond woman covered in cookie crumbs and wearing pajamas pants, kindly fulfill your civic duty and move your vehicle out of my way. Because I am very anxious to get to that Exxon and I have decided that it is far more dangerous for me to sit in the house for one more second than it is for me to possibly suffer a second episode of vision loss while driving.
If I do not return within 24 hours, please contact the second floor of Nordstrom and ask for Valerie. She will know exactly where to find me.
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