Chanel, Goat Poop & Mermaids

I do my best to operate by the principles of The Golden Rule. Everyone knows this one, we all learned it in preschool. The Golden Rule is, of course, if you buy people expensive things and give them insincere compliments, they will like you. A corollary to that rule is the concept of You Do Not Know Someone Unless You've Walked A Mile In Their Glass House And Bought A Black Kettle That Was Once Called A Pot. So, don't judge people, because you don't know their situation. Unless, they really, really beg to be judged, like these three ... then go for it.

Setting the scene. Day at the farm. Goats, horses, hayrides, pumpkins, porta-a-pots, mud, dust, dirt, and general farmy grime. A clear, warm day, all exuberant foliage and piercing sunshine. The farm is crowded, which allows excellent people-watching. A choice few caught my eye amongst the masses.

1) Chanel Lady: I adore your head-to-toe ivory Artic casual cashmere couture, I really do, however, the snow-hued patent leather heels and matching tote might not have been your best bet if you, as stated ten times while in line for the petting zoo to feed pigs, would "simply DIE if your Chanel got dirty."

2) Lax Mom: I support the concept of building a healthy immune system, but allowing your toddler to eat goat poop is a no-go in most pediatric circles.

3) Cigarette Man: You are on the hayride with three small kids and a lit cigarette. Do you think that is the best idea? On a separate note, that is quite a tat. I think your mom is no doubt proud that she earned top-billing above that colorful image of the well-endowed mermaid. Or maybe that is your mom? In which case, how cool is it that your mom is a well-endowed mermaid!?! Nice shells. Look, I don't know the rules of the sea, but I would venture a guess that even top-heavy be-shelled mermaids have the sense to know that bales of hay are much happier with no cigs around. Hay + Fire = Bad. Please take note.