Norman Rockwell Would Be Proud

Veterans Day has me thinking about giving back. To all those who serve ... thank you.

I used to feel guilty about missing my family when trial prep would keep me overnight at the office, so I can only imagine how it must feel to be away from your loved ones for so very long.

This year, we will be having a smaller than usual guest list for Thanksgiving, so we will have some room at our table. If you know of a loved one, elderly neighbor, or anyone who will not have a family to celebrate with this Thanksgiving, please let me know. I would love to have them as my guest in my home.

While I cannot promise perfection in the kitchen (to quote E, "You are a really good mom and all, but not the best chef in the world. No offense."); I can promise that there will be lively conversation and that the wine will be flowing.

Please leave me a comment with an email address if there is someone you have in mind.

PS Serial killers need not apply (am talking to YOU Dexter!, though I do love your show), however, just a misdemeanor ... we can work with that.

Hollywood

I have fourteen million things to do today. So, naturally, I spent my morning on this website www.taaz.com, trying on virtual hair and make-up. Priorities, people.

This one was my favorite: Charlize Theron's hair and make-up from the Oscars. Really, I think we could be twins?

My agent will be taking calls for my next part. To be clear, my rider states that I will need the following in my trailer:

1) One new toilet seat and gold faucets. 24-karat ONLY!
2) 1,000 gallons of filtered Evian water, heated to 98.7 degrees, for bathing.
3) One attendant to take my used chewing gum and another to go around every two hours to disinfect doorknobs.
4) A life-sized cutout of myself in the bedroom suite.
5) Fourteen bouquets of sunset orange, partially-bloomed, long-stemmed roses, all thorns removed. NO BABY'S BREATH!
6) Peach-colored toilet tissue, to match my complexion.

NO EXCEPTIONS!!!!

And, Yet, I Am Still A Crazy Cat Lady ...

Diary of a Dog:

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Diary of a Cat:

Day 983 of My Captivity

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt
to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a
mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this
would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my
capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about
what a "good little hunter" I am.

** Props to my friend, Sarah G, for being so damn funny. Credit goes to her for this post.