Married, With Child

I had planned to have some wedding photos scanned to arrange into an book for our anniversary. Because although it was paid for at the time, we never received our wedding album (long story). And I think after eight years of being married, it is time. But since I am worthy of an honorary PhD in procrastination, the scanned wedding photo book will be back in four weeks, just in time for .... exactly one month after our anniversary.

Here is a brief summary of our life over the past - oh my GOD! - almost twelve years. Can that be right? I feel like that is a really long time. A friend pointed out that we have been together one-third of my life. WHICH IS CRAZY. I can't even keep a car for two years before I get bored. And cars don't forget to get milk at the grocery store or leave the cap off of the toothpaste or check out that waitress with the cute rack at Iron Bridge.

Even though today is our anniversary and the occasion where mushy things would be appropriate, I am not going to talk about soul mates or how you would hang the moon and the stars for me or anything trite, because you know that is not how I talk in real life and you would wonder who hijacked my blog. I will, however, share some old (gratuitous) photos which I uncovered while putting together our wedding shots. Per your request, they are heavily edited and only a couple contain you because "you didn't want to be all over the Internet."

Introduction

We met in January 1998 at a fundraising event [bar] in DC. You were on crutches from a basketball injury and should not have been dancing. I wanted to dance; you danced. This is me at twenty-two, you were twenty-six. I had never dated someone so old! TWENTY-SIX might as well have been two-hundred and forty to me, but I hung around because you were cute and tall and blonde and I knew we'd have gorgeous children, eventually. You hung around because you dug my long blonde hair and giant teeth.

We had been dating for about a year and a half when I had a tough choice to make. I had applied to fourteen schools, including every single law school in California. I knew if I moved to the West Coast, it would likely be over for us. A four hour airline commute does not make the heart grow fonder. Ultimately, I decided to hang out East and chose a school less than two hours from you. This was me the first day of law school. I was twenty-three, but looked like I was eleven. You drove to Baltimore every night after work and would wake up the next morning at 4 A.M. to drive back to McLean. That was a long drive, especially after sleeping on my couch all night, which is obviously where you slept since we were not yet engaged (HI MOM!).

Engagement

In February 2000, we were supposed to fly to Miami. You had planned a proposal on the beach, you know I love the beach. I did not know you were going to propose, so I cancelled the trip at the last minute because I had a paper due and needed to work on my research. (Dedicated readers: Note previously mentioned white tailored bikini. That's the one! I laughed when I found this photo, no skirt suits for miles. If I looked this in shape now, I would never ever wear clothes, except maybe on Christmas Eve because that is the right thing to do. Eating prime rib while naked is just bad manners.)

In February 2000, we went to New York. You gave me the prettiest engagement ring in the history of engagement rings and asked me to be your wife. I did not wear the white bikini at the time, since it was winter. This shot is from our honeymoon in Anguilla, with a red bikini. I cropped it because I thought two bathing suit shots in one post was too many. Where was I? Oh right, back to our engagement, so New York in February, I had on inappropriately strappy, but adorable, footwear and endured minor frostbite on my toes for the sake of fashion. We toasted our engagement with champagne at the top of the World Trade Center. I called my parents to report, "I am engaged and I AM NOT EVEN PREGNANT!" (end quote). Every parents dream!

In 2000, we adopted. First Sadie, then her furry little brother up to no good, Felix. Felix liked to torment Sadie, much like my (not quite as furry) little brother up to no good did to me while growing up. After Felix required $500 in antibiotics and a ventilator his first month at home, I was no longer allowed to volunteer at the animal shelter and pick up strays. When Felix lit himself on fire that same month with a candle, you iced his little kitty paws, which was so cute, it just about killed me.

Wedding

Moving forward, we planned our wedding. We were uncertain whether we should plan for summer or winter due to my class schedule. Finally, we decided July 6, 2001 ... in three months. Planning a formal wedding in three months was a low-stress event. When we got married, my bridesmaids remarked that I was the calmest bride they had ever seen. You can tell here by their expressions how relaxed I was that day.

A year after our wedding, I graduated law school. We were both so happy that we would have SO MUCH FREE TIME. WHAT WOULD WE DO WITH ALL THAT FREE TIME!? We could catch up on some much needed sleep, or travel, among other things. We celebrated this new phase in our lives.

Ethan

Exactly nine months after the, um ... celebrating, he arrived. His name was going to be Yes, I Am Super Cute, But I Will Take Up All of Your Free Time and Energy and There Will Be No Sleep For The Next Five Years. But that was hard to monogram on towels, so we settled on calling him Ethan.

Spring & Fall ... and seasons in between ... where does the time go?

Present and Future - July 2009

We finally had some free time and got some sleep. Thank you for always letting me order the cheese plate. Know that I'd even drink bottles of champagne from New Mexico for you, but only once a year ... Happy Anniversary!

Boom, Boom, Pow

Happy Fourth of July!

Have fun blowing things up ... watch those fingers!

Diagnosis (Part Nine-Hundred and Twelve)

Dr. House gave me his diagnosis yesterday. It has now been determined that the thyroid nodules are non-cancerous cysts, breast lump is benign, and there is a "low chance" that a paraneoplastic syndrome is shriveling my brain into a raisin. I still have a spleen, two kidneys, and a liver. None of my bodily fluid or tissue has been shipped off in Fed Ex boxes to the Mayo Clinic (at least, for the past thirty days and counting).

All good news.

Dr. House thinks the exhaustion (the EXHAUSTION!), cognitive problems, and visual changes are due to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

Chronic fatigue syndrome, or CFS, is a debilitating and complex disorder characterized by profound fatigue that is not improved by bed rest and that may be worsened by physical or mental activity. Persons with CFS most often function at a substantially lower level of activity than they were capable of before the onset of illness. In addition to these key defining characteristics, patients report various nonspecific symptoms, including weakness, muscle pain, impaired memory and/or mental concentration, insomnia, and post-exertional fatigue lasting more than 24 hours. In some cases, CFS can persist for years. The cause or causes of CFS have not been identified and no specific diagnostic tests are available. Moreover, since many illnesses have incapacitating fatigue as a symptom, care must be taken to exclude other known and often treatable conditions before a diagnosis of CFS is made. (CDC website)

Read more here: http://www.cdc.gov/cfs/cfsbasicfacts.htm

I am still processing this opinion and have not wrapped my mind around it yet. As the recipient of many opinions from many experts, I am not sure if I am sold on this one.

The brain tumor is a independent issue, it has nothing to do with CFS. Neurosurgical consensus on brain remains the same. That is, location makes surgery too risky, but that is ok because the tumor appears to be slow-growing. If and when the tumor is five times larger (by my calculations, that is @ ten years), then surgery would be required. Or, if there is some earlier issue, such as hemorrhage or growth that blocks cerebral spinal fluid, then emergency surgery.

There are no medical guarantees ... but the longer I wait, the more advances there are in surgical techniques. Ten years ago, an intraventricular brain tumor could not be accessed surgically. Now, a handful of centers are doing endoscopic surgery to get there. Maybe, in ten more years, I could just take a pill and get rid of this thing? One can hope.

Columbia & Cornell University layperson article on intraventricular brain tumor:

http://nyp.org/health/neuro_intraventricular.html

Columbia & Cornell University layperson article on endoscopic intraventricular surgery:

http://nyp.org/news/hospital/326.html

For those short on time, here is my favorite part of the article: Using an endoscope to remove intraventricular brain tumors (tumors within the brain's ventricles or cavities) is seen as one of the most challenging aspects of neurosurgery because the ventricles are located near the center of the brain. And, in patients without hydrocephalus (swelling of the brain) the challenge is actually much greater because patients lack the enlarged ventricles that allow surgeons wider pathways to the tumor site and more room to operate once there.

Because I imagine all those NON-challenging aspects of neurosurgery must get so boring. And I don't have hydrocephalus. It comes as no surprise to me that my brain is tough to crack. I am sure my husband would agree wholeheartedly.

The treatment for me remains unchanged. Serial MRI every six months, for the rest of my life, to keep track of tumor growth. I've gone around and around (and then up and down) with the What Ifs on this matter and just need to not obsess, and deal. I am almost there. Thank you, Blue Cross, for your excellent mental health care coverage.

As for being sick, they, meaning the Brain Gods (apologies to any Brain Goddesses out there, I have yet to meet with any of you, though I know you exist), are all in agreement. My f----ed up brain is f----ed up indeed, but it is not what is now making me sick.

So if CFS is, then things could be done to treat those symptoms. That would an improvement, right?